Drama Down Unda

If there's one thing I've learned over the last 2 weeks, is to listen to my instincts.

From the minute I found out I was going to Australia, every cell in my body had been screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which is totally counter intuitive. I mean, I'd been handed the chance of a lifetime to visit a place I would have never imagined seeing. I should have been doing cartwheels and back flips. But instead, I was panicking and desperately trying to find a way out of it. I chalked it up to being afraid of flying. Ha, if only it were as easy as a plane crash.

My 6th sense was going completely bananas. Somehow I just knew that going on this trip would result in a life altering change.

Let's review the wreckage, shall we?

* The friend who invited me here is no longer my friend. We got into a huge fight which ended up with her going north and me (unwillingly) staying in the south for the rest of the trip. She hates my guts. And frankly right now, the sentiment is duly reciprocated.

* My boss fired my receptionist, but didn't tell me. I had to find out from her sister, who happens to be looking after my cat. I expect to catch holy hell when I get back to the office on Monday as I was the one who made the decision to hire her.

* Another friend wrote me an email to tell me to stuff my opinions about her relationship where the sun don't shine. I wrote back and apologized but got an out-of-office notice so who knows if or when she'll see it.

* I have not been able to find one damn karaoke bar down here.

* I haven't been able to get laid. (But does that really surprise you?)

What should have been the time of my life has become a living nightmare. I can't wait to get home.

And when I get home, I'm shutting it all off. My instincts are telling me to keep to myself, stay quiet and not to bother committing myself emotionally to anyone anymore. It's fucking useless and all that seems to happen is bullshit. I'm sick of bullshit. It stinks.

So I guess that's pretty much the end of this blog.

Yeah, that sucks.

I was kind of hoping for a small somewhat-happily-ever-for-a-little-while, but instead I got a big FU from the Universe. POINT TAKEN UNIVERSE. NOW STOP FUCKING WITH ME.

Oh well, at least I got to pet a kangaroo before I died.

Fatherly Advice

I was talking to my Dad tonight and he said this to me:

"Don't you go getting attached to someone down there [Australia]. It's a hell of a long way to visit each other."

I love my Dad. :)

G'day Mate

I'm going to Australia in two weeks. This trip popped up in my life because one of my best friends called off her wedding, which was to have taken place in southern Australia. She still wanted to go, but not alone. So she asked me, her would-be-maid-of-honour.

Two single gals on the loose in Oz.

Can someone give me a "HELL YA!"

Can someone give me a "CAN YOU DIG IT?"

Don't be surprised if I come home pregnant or married. Australian accents are hot.

Johnny Angel

What A Joke

I signed into Lava this morning and got a notification that I have a new smile. Out loud I said, "I bet you're 47!"

I clicked on the smile, and it turns out he's 45. I laughed so hard I'm sure the neighbours heard me when I fell off my chair and onto the floor.

Honestly, I don't know why I keep banging my face against this brick wall called dating. I suppose it has something to do with needing material for this blog.

Bah. Back under the rock I go.

Single Serving

In the ten years I've lived on my own, I've never cooked.

Okay never is a strong word. Let's just say 99.9999999% of the time, I eat out. Oh, and there were a few times I made a Maltese casserole when I was married and trying to play the part of a good wife. But other than that, it's breakfast, lunch & dinner as made by someone else's hands. Usually that of Mr. Horton, Mr. McDonald, or Ms. Thomas (that would be Wendy, in case you didn't know her last name).

The main reason behind my ineptness in the kitchen is because my Mom didn't live long enough to teach me that fine art. I also missed out on lessons in fashion, makeup, hair, tampons and just about everything else that defines women. Frankly, I don't have the patience for any of it.

On the odd occasion that I do "cook", it's usually something I toss into the microwave for 5 minutes. Regardless, most everything is sold in servings of 2 - 4. A lot of waste waiting to happen.

So I was at Loblaws tonight perusing the frozen food section and settled upon the PC brand of Shepherd's Pie. I love Shepherd's Pie. My Mom made awesome Shepherd's Pie from scratch. It's total comfort food for me. And with the hours I've been pulling at work the last few weeks, I was in great need of comfort.

As I was walking along towards the check out, I noticed a few people looking at me. Normally this doesn't faze me as I am gorgeous (insert eye roll here) but tonight, it was unusual. A few people even looked like they were feeling sorry for me. And then I realized why.

Nothing screams SINGLE like a TV dinner.

That's the last fucking time I buy only one frozen food entree.

Stupid jerks.

Welcome to Confusion, Pop. Me

I went to my friend's baby shower last month, which was more of a party than a traditional shower. Both men & women were invited and it was held at a cool restaurant in Thornhill.

One of the games we played was Pictionary, with all the words/phrases being baby-centric. Turns out I'm a freaking wizard at Baby Pictionary as I kept winning a majority of the prizes for my correct responses.

A friend of the father-to-be was on my team, and he had the unfortunate task of drawing "vaginal birth".

I thought it was bloody hilarious that this dude was such a good sport about it all. So I struck up a conversation with him. He was nice, friendly and cute. I asked if I could take a picture of him holding the piece of paper with "vaginal birth". He obliged. He then asked me if I could email him the picture. So I gave him one of my snazzy business cards so he could contact me.

Soon we became friends on Facebook and I sent him the picture, which he promptly posted as his profile picture.

One of my girlfriends had made the observation there was some chemistry happening between us. I've kept that tucked in the back of my mind until this weekend.

I was hanging out with my sister-in-law this weekend, busy moaning about that idiot LoneRanger and about the general fact that I am seemingly unable to meet any decent guys. All of a sudden, Mr. Vaginal Birth popped into my brain.

I told my sis-in-law the story of how we met and she suggested that I ask him out.

So I did. And here we go....

Paprika August 30 at 6:29pm
Any vaginal births lately? ;) Ha ha ha. How's life treating you? P :)

VB September 1 at 7:47am
Hey there .. nope.. no births of any kind.. no pictionary :) Life is good.. did some camping .. heading to sudbury for labour day. Howr you?

Paprika September 1 at 1:16pm
I'm good. I'm heading to Fort Erie for long weekend. My Dad & brothers still live down there. I was the one who flew the cuckoo's nest as fast as she could. :) Do you have family up in Sudbury or are you just going there for fun? So I'm going to be bold here and ask if you'd like to get together sometime? I really enjoyed talking to you at the shower. Feel free to let me down, just promise you'll be gentle about it. P :)

VB September 1 at 3:13pm
My mom n' dad are up in sudbury.. they live on a nice lake.. big deck, sauna.. so I'm heading up for the last rights of summer party :) hot saunas, cold beer. It was nice talking to you too.. and it may be one of my dumb moves but I'm going to decline. You seem awesome but I'm not feeling all I should to give you everything you deserve.

Geez. And I told him to be gentle about it. So much for being bold and trying something different.

Back to hiding under a rock.