Drama Down Unda

If there's one thing I've learned over the last 2 weeks, is to listen to my instincts.

From the minute I found out I was going to Australia, every cell in my body had been screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which is totally counter intuitive. I mean, I'd been handed the chance of a lifetime to visit a place I would have never imagined seeing. I should have been doing cartwheels and back flips. But instead, I was panicking and desperately trying to find a way out of it. I chalked it up to being afraid of flying. Ha, if only it were as easy as a plane crash.

My 6th sense was going completely bananas. Somehow I just knew that going on this trip would result in a life altering change.

Let's review the wreckage, shall we?

* The friend who invited me here is no longer my friend. We got into a huge fight which ended up with her going north and me (unwillingly) staying in the south for the rest of the trip. She hates my guts. And frankly right now, the sentiment is duly reciprocated.

* My boss fired my receptionist, but didn't tell me. I had to find out from her sister, who happens to be looking after my cat. I expect to catch holy hell when I get back to the office on Monday as I was the one who made the decision to hire her.

* Another friend wrote me an email to tell me to stuff my opinions about her relationship where the sun don't shine. I wrote back and apologized but got an out-of-office notice so who knows if or when she'll see it.

* I have not been able to find one damn karaoke bar down here.

* I haven't been able to get laid. (But does that really surprise you?)

What should have been the time of my life has become a living nightmare. I can't wait to get home.

And when I get home, I'm shutting it all off. My instincts are telling me to keep to myself, stay quiet and not to bother committing myself emotionally to anyone anymore. It's fucking useless and all that seems to happen is bullshit. I'm sick of bullshit. It stinks.

So I guess that's pretty much the end of this blog.

Yeah, that sucks.

I was kind of hoping for a small somewhat-happily-ever-for-a-little-while, but instead I got a big FU from the Universe. POINT TAKEN UNIVERSE. NOW STOP FUCKING WITH ME.

Oh well, at least I got to pet a kangaroo before I died.

Fatherly Advice

I was talking to my Dad tonight and he said this to me:

"Don't you go getting attached to someone down there [Australia]. It's a hell of a long way to visit each other."

I love my Dad. :)

G'day Mate

I'm going to Australia in two weeks. This trip popped up in my life because one of my best friends called off her wedding, which was to have taken place in southern Australia. She still wanted to go, but not alone. So she asked me, her would-be-maid-of-honour.

Two single gals on the loose in Oz.

Can someone give me a "HELL YA!"

Can someone give me a "CAN YOU DIG IT?"

Don't be surprised if I come home pregnant or married. Australian accents are hot.

Johnny Angel

What A Joke

I signed into Lava this morning and got a notification that I have a new smile. Out loud I said, "I bet you're 47!"

I clicked on the smile, and it turns out he's 45. I laughed so hard I'm sure the neighbours heard me when I fell off my chair and onto the floor.

Honestly, I don't know why I keep banging my face against this brick wall called dating. I suppose it has something to do with needing material for this blog.

Bah. Back under the rock I go.

Single Serving

In the ten years I've lived on my own, I've never cooked.

Okay never is a strong word. Let's just say 99.9999999% of the time, I eat out. Oh, and there were a few times I made a Maltese casserole when I was married and trying to play the part of a good wife. But other than that, it's breakfast, lunch & dinner as made by someone else's hands. Usually that of Mr. Horton, Mr. McDonald, or Ms. Thomas (that would be Wendy, in case you didn't know her last name).

The main reason behind my ineptness in the kitchen is because my Mom didn't live long enough to teach me that fine art. I also missed out on lessons in fashion, makeup, hair, tampons and just about everything else that defines women. Frankly, I don't have the patience for any of it.

On the odd occasion that I do "cook", it's usually something I toss into the microwave for 5 minutes. Regardless, most everything is sold in servings of 2 - 4. A lot of waste waiting to happen.

So I was at Loblaws tonight perusing the frozen food section and settled upon the PC brand of Shepherd's Pie. I love Shepherd's Pie. My Mom made awesome Shepherd's Pie from scratch. It's total comfort food for me. And with the hours I've been pulling at work the last few weeks, I was in great need of comfort.

As I was walking along towards the check out, I noticed a few people looking at me. Normally this doesn't faze me as I am gorgeous (insert eye roll here) but tonight, it was unusual. A few people even looked like they were feeling sorry for me. And then I realized why.

Nothing screams SINGLE like a TV dinner.

That's the last fucking time I buy only one frozen food entree.

Stupid jerks.

Welcome to Confusion, Pop. Me

I went to my friend's baby shower last month, which was more of a party than a traditional shower. Both men & women were invited and it was held at a cool restaurant in Thornhill.

One of the games we played was Pictionary, with all the words/phrases being baby-centric. Turns out I'm a freaking wizard at Baby Pictionary as I kept winning a majority of the prizes for my correct responses.

A friend of the father-to-be was on my team, and he had the unfortunate task of drawing "vaginal birth".

I thought it was bloody hilarious that this dude was such a good sport about it all. So I struck up a conversation with him. He was nice, friendly and cute. I asked if I could take a picture of him holding the piece of paper with "vaginal birth". He obliged. He then asked me if I could email him the picture. So I gave him one of my snazzy business cards so he could contact me.

Soon we became friends on Facebook and I sent him the picture, which he promptly posted as his profile picture.

One of my girlfriends had made the observation there was some chemistry happening between us. I've kept that tucked in the back of my mind until this weekend.

I was hanging out with my sister-in-law this weekend, busy moaning about that idiot LoneRanger and about the general fact that I am seemingly unable to meet any decent guys. All of a sudden, Mr. Vaginal Birth popped into my brain.

I told my sis-in-law the story of how we met and she suggested that I ask him out.

So I did. And here we go....

Paprika August 30 at 6:29pm
Any vaginal births lately? ;) Ha ha ha. How's life treating you? P :)

VB September 1 at 7:47am
Hey there .. nope.. no births of any kind.. no pictionary :) Life is good.. did some camping .. heading to sudbury for labour day. Howr you?

Paprika September 1 at 1:16pm
I'm good. I'm heading to Fort Erie for long weekend. My Dad & brothers still live down there. I was the one who flew the cuckoo's nest as fast as she could. :) Do you have family up in Sudbury or are you just going there for fun? So I'm going to be bold here and ask if you'd like to get together sometime? I really enjoyed talking to you at the shower. Feel free to let me down, just promise you'll be gentle about it. P :)

VB September 1 at 3:13pm
My mom n' dad are up in sudbury.. they live on a nice lake.. big deck, sauna.. so I'm heading up for the last rights of summer party :) hot saunas, cold beer. It was nice talking to you too.. and it may be one of my dumb moves but I'm going to decline. You seem awesome but I'm not feeling all I should to give you everything you deserve.

Geez. And I told him to be gentle about it. So much for being bold and trying something different.

Back to hiding under a rock.

Welcome to Cougarville, Pop. 1

ANGELPAINT says:
hey gorgeous!

PAPRIKA8 replies:
Hey there. :)

ANGELPAINT says:
im hoping u like younger men...wink wink lol ;)

PAPRIKA8 replies:
LOL What's not to like? :)

ANGELPAINT says:
well put it this way im looking for something casual my ex was 36 so im well trained lol

ANGELPAINT says:
just figured given the age gap it would be tough for something serious

PAPRIKA8 replies:
LOL. Thanks for the offer, but I'm looking for something serious.

ANGELPAINT says:
might we be on the same page..haha ya im bad

PAPRIKA8 replies:
My days of casual are over. Although they were lots of fun.

ANGELPAINT says:
so come out of retirement

PAPRIKA8 replies:
LOL Ah as much fun as that would be, I want to put my effort into something that will pay off in the end.

PAPRIKA8 replies:
You shouldn't have any problems finding someone who'll play with you.

ANGELPAINT says:
ya i know but i like u..haha come on it good at least until mr right comes along

PAPRIKA8 replies:
You're sweet, but like I said, I want to put my effort into a long term thing. If I'm spending my time playing, I won't be around for Mr. Right to find me.

Julie & Julia & Paprika

I went to a screening of "Julie & Julia" this evening with a couple of girlfriends, one of whom is about to give birth in a couple of weeks.

I had no expectations going into this film because I didn't know anything about either of the title characters.

It turned out to be quite a funny, yet touching film about two women, from two completely different eras, trying to find themselves. Both used cooking as a means to truly understand who they are.

I could totally relate. Well, except for the cooking part. :)

The film tells us that Julia Child was almost 40 years old and still a virgin when she met her husband Paul. The film depicted them as devoted, supportive and madly in love with each other.

In real life, they both lived to be over 90 years old. Fifty years of marriage. And fifty years of Julia's buttery cooking.

Lately I've been steadfast in my thought that it is way too late for me to find the love of my life. But after learning about Julia & Paul's love story, I feel hope again.

However, it doesn't make me feel better that she died childless. :P

Really?

Here's my horoscope for the day.

"Believe it or not your life is getting better by the day, the hour, even the minute, and what happens between now and the end of the week will prove it. Don’t let money worries blind you to the fantastic things that are going on in your world."

Oh please, oh please, oh please....

So Much For That

I'm done, again. But really, did we expect anything else?

LongeRanger duly ignored me for 7 straight days so I deleted him from Facebook last night. Short of a death in the family, he has ZERO excuse for this. The frustrating part is I know I'll never get to tell him what a douche bag he is. Because douche bags are cowards and they don't care about anyone but themselves.

I feel like I keep banging my face against the same brick wall. Somehow, everyone I know has managed to find the door, while I stand outside a bloody mess.

New Mantra

Calm down and carry on.

My DT told me this yesterday after having read my last post, and after having listened to me freak out on the phone for about 45 minutes.

I also talked to my sister-in-law last night about the same subject and she gave me the same advice - not in the same words - but absolutely the same sentiment.

I still haven't heard from Mr. Lone Ranger. And I decided to myself this morning that if by some miracle he does contact me again, I will simply let him know that I expect more. I'm certainly not expecting he contact me 10 times a day. But I do expect that if I call or email him, he calls or emails me back in a timely manner, i.e. within several hours instead of 72 hours. If he isn't willing to give me at least that, then he can gladly show himself the door.

As Steve Harvey so expertly wrote in his book "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man", women have to set standards. If a man won't live up to your standards, then cut him loose.

And that's what I intend to do.

Lone Ranger

I haven't written about this until now for two reasons. The first being, I wanted to keep it to myself for a while. The second being, he's pulling stupid-idiot-man-shit behaviour and you all know I can't not talk about that.

I went back onto Lava around the end of June. I figured since I wasn't meeting guys in real life, then I should at least get back online. This time though, I went in with the attitude that I will smile at everyone I thought was cute, but I wouldn't lose my shit if they didn't smile back.

I smiled and smiled and smiled and smiled. And nothing. And I was fine.

I smiled and smiled and smiled some more. And then I got a nibble from LoneRanger1972: 37 years old, lives in Oshawa, never married, no kids, freelance journalist, editor and PR guy. He sent me a nice email and our correspondence began.

We sent emails back and forth every couple of days over the course of 3 weeks, until one day he asked me for my email and/or phone number. I happily obliged.

He sent me an email soon after. And then a phone call that same evening. That call lasted almost 6 1/2 hours. Wowza. We covered a lot of ground, including my disastrous marriage and subsequent divorce.

And much to my surprise, he called me again a few days later (4 1/2 hour talk), asking me out on a date. We had our first date on July 31st. And as far as I could tell, everything went swimmingly as the date (which lasted 5 hours) ended with a smooch.

He said he'd call me after I got back from Fort Erie for the long weekend. I emailed him when I got back to town and then didn't hear anything from him for 3 days. Which made me cry. For real. I know it was stupid to get worked up over it, but the fact that we had over 11 hours of talking time and 5 hours in-person time clocked already, I was thinking this guy may be a contender.

He finally emailed me apologizing for the slow response time. He was busy with work. Okay, fair enough, he is a freelancer after all. We made plans for Date #2 - dinner and a movie.

Date #2 went extremely well, as that ended with a mini make out session on the corner of Yonge & Eglinton. I invited him to see my band play - Date #3.

My band played this past Saturday night. He showed up at the end of the first set and stayed until the show was over and we had finished tearing down. He smooched me goodnight and said he'd call me the next day.

Sunday came, and he called! And asked me out on Date #4 for that night. Movies again, which is awesome for me because that is my favourite thing to do.

So I'm standing in the lobby of the theatre at exactly 6pm, which was the prescribed meeting time. At 6:10pm I got a text saying he'll be late, well after 6:30pm which was the start time of the film. "Something came up that I couldn't get out of."

Okay fine, shit happens. I texted him back and said I'd be at the Firkin pub up the street from the theatre getting something to eat.

I grabbed a beer. Then I ordered food (shepherd's pie & veggies). Then I ate my food. Then I finished my beer. Then I got my bill. Then I paid my bill. And I was just about to leave when he finally showed up. ONE. HOUR. AND. FIFTEEN. MINUTES. LATE.

He looked sheepish walking in. He said hello. I simply asked, "What happened?" He launched into a long story about a very important agenda item being missed by him, which the client required before Monday morning. So he had to get it done, but it was a really tedious task. So what he thought would take him 20 minutes turned into 40 minutes, and well, that's why he was late.

Fine. I forgave him. He kissed me and sat down. Then I watched him drink a beer and eat chicken fingers & fries. I helped with the fries.

Instead of catching a later movie, I decided we should go see my bass player in a jazz trio playing at Gate 403.

We grabbed a few drinks, snuggled, held hands, and smooched a bit. All was fine again.

He dropped me off at the subway station. We had a full on make out session in his car. I liked the way he was kissing me. It was nice, not gross, and not sloppy. We said goodnight and he said he'd call me.

I sent him an email when I got home thanking him for the nice night out. No response (he's got a blackberry, so no excuses).

I called yesterday and got his voicemail so I left him a message. Hasn't called me back.

So here's the part where I lose my fucking mind. And here are the things that bug me.

1. When we talk, it's 90% him, 10% me. When I try to interject, he keeps talking. Methinks he likes the sound of his own voice, and he really loves using his extensively huge vocabulary, being a journalist and all.

2. He was late for all our dates. But none as spectacularly late as Date #4.

3. He's never offered me a ride home. I know he lives in Oshawa, which means he has to travel east of where we've been on dates, and I live a teeny bit west. However, he should mind that his lady friend gets home safely.

4. He has a funny walk. (I know, I'm just being petty at this point.)

5. When he says he'll call, it's daaaaaaays later. But when I'm not expecting anything, he bombards me. Case in point, Saturday morning. I was in the shower getting ready for an audition. I came out and there was 2 text messages on my phone. I went to dry my hair, came back and there was a voicemail. I put on clothes & makeup and checked my email before leaving, there was one from him. Huh zuh! Where is all this communication when I want it????

Does this guy actually dig me, or is he passing the time? Or is he completely clueless and that's why he's still single? Or am I expecting too much?

Oh, and I hadn't been on Lava since our 2nd date, but was curious today to see the last time he was on. Answer: yesterday, when he should have been fucking calling me back.

Parting Shot

I guess I spoke too soon about Woman's lack of gonads. Here's her parting shot.

-------------------------------------------------------
From: Woman
To: Paprika
Date: Mon, Aug 17, 2009 at 11:20 AM
Subject: RE: I guess I know now

Hey P,

Yes, I removed you from FB last week. Sorry if it was a shock – I wasn’t even sure you’d notice, or mind by this point.

I thought after some time had passed I would be able to keep you as friend without any problem but I find that it’s just too bizarre for me. I know you have a great big heart and also that Boy hurt you.

I know that you developed major feelings for him that were not reciprocated and also understand how his behavior might have been misleading. I wish he had not hurt you.

But what weirds me out is that you never told me about your history with him. It would have explained so much, and I would have been sympathetic and then some. But to find out so late, and not from you, and after all the times you criticized and vilified him – I believed you because, to my knowledge, you had no reason to lie and no vested interest. But I was wrong – you had both – and that changed everything. If I had known, things would have been very different.

There are times when I am tempted to give you a call and say “let’s hang out!” but then think it would be awkward and strained so I don’t.

But I do hope that you are very happy and that everything is going super well for you.

Take care and rock on...

Woman
-------------------------------------------------------

I just need to say this one more time: I WAS THE ONE WHO WAS CHEATED ON, HE'S THE ONE WHO LIED ABOUT EVERYTHING, SO WHY THE FUCK AM I THE BAD THE GUY HERE?

I made a decision not to tell her after they had broken up in February. Perhaps it was the wrong decision in her view. For me, there was no reason to drudge all that shit up because they were over. I looked at what I'd have wanted if the situation were reversed. I could only make a decision based on my point of view. I've always treated others the way I'd want to be treated, and if the situation were reversed, I would NOT have wanted to know. That is how I came to that decision to not say anything.

Seriously, when did it become a requirement that I divulge who I've slept with to my new girlfriends? I can bet you at least one person reading this has slept with the same guy that a friend has slept with. Granted my & Woman's situation was a little more twisted seeing as he cheated on me with her, and then cheated on her with me. But he told the same lie to both of us - he wasn't "with" anyone at the time, even though his actions directly contradicted what he said.

The root of the problem is that they got back together. I tried to caution her against this because I knew he was a skeeze ball. I don't like the fact she thinks the only reason I trashed him was because he hurt me. I would give the same advise to anyone who was dating a known cheater and overall douche bag. I would tell her what I know, but let her make up her own mind. Which is exactly what I did here. Obviously she chose to stay with him and I accepted that.

Their "relationship" is now at the 3 month mark, which is usually when Boy's dick leads him into another vagina. We'll see what happens in a few weeks. I don't doubt for one second he'll do it again to her. She's looking for a husband. He's looking for as much poontang pie as he can get.

Deleted

Woman deleted me from Facebook without so much as a parting "fuck you".

I hate passive aggressive behaviour. So I sent her an email to that effect. And in typical passive style, it was met without response.

I honestly and truly wish that she and Boy live happily ever after. But really, when has a Woman ever been truly happy with a Boy?

At least I've learned that lesson and am holding out for a Man.

And a Half

Today is my half birthday. I'm exactly 6 months into my 35th year of life.

I've always lived by the philosophy of finding every opportunity to celebrate. So as long as I can remember, I've always celebrated my half birthday. Of course, it's never with the extravagance of celebrating my real birthday, but I've always tried to do a little something special in honour of the half way point.

This half birthday is met with mixed emotions. I'll be 35 in 6 short months.

Thirty-five.

THIRTY-BLOODY-FIVE! I would be a liar if I said that this doesn't bother me. It. Bothers. Me. And only because I am no where near where I want to be in my personal life.

Professionally, I feel pretty good. I'm the head of something now, after having taken a hit and losing my job where I was the head of nothing. I know there will be more opportunity for me to grow in my new position and I am excited about that.

I'm in a band. That's miles ahead of where I was only 3 years ago. I've written and recorded a song. Doesn't sound like much, but that's a huge accomplishment for me. I finally got that creative ball rolling and there's no stopping it now.

Personally, I feel lousy. I'm still stuck in the same place I was when I started this blog. There has been zero positive movement. There's been a whole lot of shitbag negative movement, but who the fuck wants to celebrate that?

I took a look at a post from exactly a year ago today, and guess what? It was about me feeling sad because I had no one at home waiting for me after work. And guess what again? That fact is still true. Probably more true now seeing as at least I was going on regular dates last summer. Wow, I think I've actually made negative progress in my love life.

So now that I'm staring the big three-five in the eye, I don't feel quite so celebratory.

You know, if it wasn't for this damn screaming biological clock, I think things would be a whole lot better.

Corner Brit

I have run into the Brit twice randomly, on the same corner of the city, which happens to be right across from the building I work in.

Yesterday he mentioned he would stop by to visit my office after work. I worked almost an hour late yet he never showed up.

Any chance of going out with him has now disappeared. There's no way I'd accept his invitation at this point. It's been 3 weeks since the party where he asked me out and he's yet to actually follow through by making a date. And now he can't even follow through on the simple act of popping in to say hello.

Bah. The accent is totally not worth it.

Cold Shoulder

My new BFF still hasn't spoken to me since I told her everything. I heard through FilmFestGirl that she and Boy are still together.

Oh well.

(Long expulsion of air from deep within my lungs)

At least she knows the whole truth. And that's all I can do about it.

More power to her. I really hope he doesn't hurt her again.

Love Conquers All

Lost love letter reunites couple after 16 years (AFP)

LONDON — A British man and his Spanish former sweetheart have finally married 16 years after they drifted apart, reunited by a love letter lost behind a fireplace for over a decade, reports said on Monday.

Steve Smith and Carmen Ruiz-Perez, both now 42, fell in love 17 years ago when she was a foreign exchange student in Brixham, southwest England, and got engaged after only a year together.

But their relationship ended after she moved France to run a shop in Paris.

A few years later, in a bid to rekindle their love, Smith sent a letter to her mother's home in Spain. It was placed on the mantelpiece, but slipped down behind the fireplace and was lost for over a decade.

The missing missive was only found when builders removed the fireplace during renovation work.

"When I got the letter I didn't phone Steve right away because I was so nervous," Ruiz-Perez told the Herald Express local newspaper.

"I nearly didn't phone him at all. I kept picking up the phone then putting it down again.
"But I knew I had to make the call."

When they were reunited, it was as if time had stood still, said Smith, a factory supervisor.

"When we met again it was like a film. We ran across the airport into each other's arms. We met up and fell in love all over again. Within 30 seconds of setting eyes on each other we were kissing.

"I'm just glad the letter did eventually end up where it was supposed to be," he said, after the couple married last Friday.

Copyright © 2009 AFP. All rights reserved.

Hell Hath Thawed

It's been a week and the Brit has yet to make good on taking me out to dinner.

The day after the party, I posted a comment on his Facebook wall about a hilarious thing he'd said at the party. To which he replied, "Oh God, I don't remember".

So I messaged him and asked him what else he didn't remember. He replied the last thing he remembers was talking to me about my band. That was waaaaaaaay early in the evening. He didn't remember how he got home. I told him I'd offered him a ride but he declined. I also filled him on the fact that he gave me his number and asked me out.

When he finally responded, he told me he'd been filled in on how he got home (shared a cab with 2 other cast members) and that yes, he'd love to go out with me. He sort of remembered that.

So I wrote him back and said I'd leave it up to him to arrange for us to go out.

And I've heard nothing since.

Satan must be happy the temperatures have returned to normal down there.