Thursday, October 30, 2008

Fish is Fried

I just deleted my PoF account.


I quit, again.

I can't wait to see my therapist next week.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Conclusion

Just for fun, I plugged in my and Boy's birthdays into a Chinese Sign Compatibility calculator. Here are the results.

Hopeless signs like yours just don't mix. Just think you are made up of four signs and a mix of five elements, none of which must match to give you this score. Have you ever heard the adage, "Trying to squeeze blood from a rock?" Well this is the relationship form of "Trying to squeeze love from a rock." Forget it and find a new man. Final Rating: 5%

As Amy Winehouse once sang, "What kind of fuckery is this?"



Wednesday, October 15, 2008


I am a glutton for punishment.

I have faith in people even when they demonstrate over and over they are not worth believing in.

I saw Boy on Monday. We fucked. We ate pizza and watched TV. We made out and passed out on the couch. It was nice.

I saw Boy last night. We had drinks. We ate. And then we had another conversation about what happened that disastrous night we went dancing.

And he still doesn't think he did anything wrong.

He still doesn't want to be my boyfriend. Although he finally admitted we are dating. But he placed a caveat on that - we are dating non-exclusively.

Which means he can go fuck whomever he wants, whenever he wants.

Which up until Monday, I was fine with.

I'm not fine with that anymore.

He told me he doesn't want me to depend on him emotionally. He doesn't want to be the person I call when I have a crisis. I told him flat out I wouldn't call him, I'd call my Faux Beau. Or my DT. OR ANYONE ELSE ON EARTH before I would trust him with my EMOTIONS.

And of course, I went home and cried my eyes out.

I have a migraine now. And I am going to leave work and go home and cry some more.

Because I am alone. AND YES I AM SAD ABOUT THAT.

And I'm going to get all sorts of phone calls and emails from my friends telling me how stupid I am for giving him any more of my time or my tears. And I will also get calls telling me to suck it up and that my life ain't so bad.

Well FUCK THAT SHIT. Because the voices of criticism come from people who are happily coupled off.

Every last person who is going to tell me what an idiot I am has someone to go home to at night. You all have someone who you can depend on emotionally. You all have someone you can share pizza with and watch TV with.

So unless any of you reading this are single, I don't want to hear one damn word about it.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Crappy Carp

I joined last week. Literally within minutes of creating my account, I received a message from "RomanceTogether".

"Hello, You are drop dead gorgeous. I read your profile and find you to be down to earth. I would love to have a chance to meet you. How about going out for a coffee tonight or sometime this week? Hope to hear back from you."

I wrote him back saying that I'd read his profile and noticed he had children. I am looking for someone without kids (been there, done that). He wrote me back with, "Thank you for taking the time to read my profile and for writing back. That speaks volumes about the person you are. Take care and God Bless You".

How nice!

I read through few profiles and found one "SpiritMale" that seemed interesting. There was a line in his profile that said he made a "mean pasta". That made me chuckle. I sent him a message asking if he could make pasta in other moods other than "mean".

He wrote me back and from there we exchanged a few more messages before exchanging numbers.

He called me on Friday and asked me out. Right on! The plan was to meet for drinks after work, around 6ish.

I got to the designated meeting spot at 6:05pm and my first instinct was to walk right past him. When we said hello, my second instinct was to run screaming in the other direction.

We changed venues from drinks to sushi. And my inner voice was still screaming "RUN AWAY". As we sat down to dinner, everything took a turn to total crap.

He criticized my hat, my POF profile, my choice in drink (water, rather than saki) and told me he once dated a girl who treated her cats like humans, which in his opinion, is totally ridiculous.

The date lasted an hour flat. I thanked him and gave him a hug goodbye. As we were parting, he commented on what a great time he had with me and wanted to see me again. Yeah right. RUN AWAY!!

He messaged me later and asked me to a movie. I wrote him back thanking him again for dinner and that I would not want to take him up on the movie offer. He asked me why so I wrote him back with this:

"You criticized my profile again, which made me wonder why you even bothered to meet me.

You kept harping on my hat. It was a hat. I like hats. I don't get why it bothered you that I was wearing one. And I don't get why I had to explain why I was wearing a hat. Did I ask you why you were wearing pants? Or a coat? Or those particular shoes? I wore that hat on that particular day because I wanted to. Much like everything else I do on a daily basis, because I feel like it.

You questioned my taste in alcohol and you questioned why I wasn't having any alcohol with dinner. I think my tastes are my tastes and I felt like you were judging me.

You ridiculed a girl you dated for treating her cats like humans. My profile says I love my cat. I love him like a person. I love him enough that I have his initial tattooed to my collarbone. So when you said you thought it was ridiculous for that girl to love her cats so much, it was insulting to me as well.

And you kept making a joke about me being a guy. Yes, I enjoy things that are traditionally classified as male activities, but you made that joke like 3 times. It was funny the first time, mildly amusing the second time, and insulting the third time. You made me feel like I had zero femininity.

So I hope that gives you some insight."

He wrote me back with an apology. And that was that.

And since him, I've had one or two guys talk to me, but none have asked me out. Which is the problem that plagues me over and over. The only man who has ever asked me out on a date is my ex-husband. And we all know how that turned out.

I think I'm going to delete my profile. I know that a week isn't really a good measure of what the site has to offer. Given the fact that the site boasts over 900,000 active daily users, half of whom I will assume to be men, I've already struck out.

The universe keeps showing me that I am not meant to be with anyone.