Glutton

I am a glutton for punishment.

I have faith in people even when they demonstrate over and over they are not worth believing in.

I saw Boy on Monday. We fucked. We ate pizza and watched TV. We made out and passed out on the couch. It was nice.

I saw Boy last night. We had drinks. We ate. And then we had another conversation about what happened that disastrous night we went dancing.

And he still doesn't think he did anything wrong.

He still doesn't want to be my boyfriend. Although he finally admitted we are dating. But he placed a caveat on that - we are dating non-exclusively.

Which means he can go fuck whomever he wants, whenever he wants.

Which up until Monday, I was fine with.

I'm not fine with that anymore.

He told me he doesn't want me to depend on him emotionally. He doesn't want to be the person I call when I have a crisis. I told him flat out I wouldn't call him, I'd call my Faux Beau. Or my DT. OR ANYONE ELSE ON EARTH before I would trust him with my EMOTIONS.

And of course, I went home and cried my eyes out.

I have a migraine now. And I am going to leave work and go home and cry some more.

Because I am alone. AND YES I AM SAD ABOUT THAT.

And I'm going to get all sorts of phone calls and emails from my friends telling me how stupid I am for giving him any more of my time or my tears. And I will also get calls telling me to suck it up and that my life ain't so bad.

Well FUCK THAT SHIT. Because the voices of criticism come from people who are happily coupled off.

Every last person who is going to tell me what an idiot I am has someone to go home to at night. You all have someone who you can depend on emotionally. You all have someone you can share pizza with and watch TV with.

So unless any of you reading this are single, I don't want to hear one damn word about it.