Sunday, February 22, 2009

Another Mike

I went out on Friday night with two of my friends, Red & KP to celebrate KP's birthday. We ended up hitting the ultimate dive of a bar for karaoke. The host called the show "Oki Doki Karaoke". Totally made me laugh!

There was a boy there who fit the bill of what I like - tall, thin, blue eyes and crazy tattoos all down both arms.

I was already a bottle of wine into lala land when we arrived, and it took about 4 more rum & cokes to gather the nerve to convince Red to approach the tattooed cutie. Remember folks, I have ZERO self confidence. It is much easier to get turned down via an intermediary rather than straight to my drunken face.

As luck would have it, the cutie agreed to Red's proposal that he come hang with us. Turns out his name is Mike (what is it with that name lately?) and he was just so sweet and adorable. It also turns out that Mike will be moving to Saskatoon come April 1st. Can't win 'em all eh?

By the end of the night, Mike had asked me for my number. Hurrah! I gave him one of my snazzy new business cards (the same one as I gave to Firkin Mike), and in exchange, I got a sweet little kiss goodnight.

When I finally awoke yesterday morning, from my wine & rum riddled coma, I flipped on my computer to find an email from him saying it was nice to meet me. I also discovered a friend request on Facebook. How very nice!

I know this will go absolutely no where, but it's nice to have someone pay me some attention.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Missing My Mom

Twenty-five years ago today, my mother passed away from breast cancer.

This was her favourite song, especially towards the end.

I love you Mom. One day we will be together again.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Through the Looking Glass

I have to say, tonight is not what I expected it would turn out to be.

Boy asked me out for drinks with his best bud from elementary school. We'll call her Crack Lady, because she was royally FUCKED off one glass of wine. That leads me to believe she must have done CRACK before hand.

At any rate, the pub we end up at is where Woman happens to be.

At first, I'm completely uncomfortable, as per usual when I happen to be sitting across from her. But by the end of the night, we became BFFs.

She still has no clue about me & Boy. She talked to me about him, the way one would talk when looking for comfort or advice.

And the fucking sad thing is she sounded exactly like me.

Instead of running away, I faced it head on. And as much as I was talking to her, I was really talking to me.

I told us that we deserve better. I told us we are amazing, strong, intelligent, HOT women. I told us it's better to be alone than miserable dealing with Boy's retarded shit. I told us that relationships are work, but not insanely fucking crazy awful work. I told us that it's okay that Boy doesn't want a relationship, but he's a fucktard and doesn't deserve someone as awesome as us.

And after all of that, she managed to smash a glass of wine which ended up in my lap, glass shards and all. And she broke up with Boy over email.

The irony is not lost on me folks.

Who knows, maybe we were meant to be brought together this way, to light the path to our proper destinies. Or maybe it was just to be miserable with company. Either way, it was a positive experience (minus the red wine spillage).

I'm going to get a McChicken now, to soak up all the red wine.

Monday, February 16, 2009


Lava is allowing users to see who's looked at their profile for free this Vday weekend. So I clicked on "who's viewed me" and started scrolling. Maybe ignorance is truly bliss because I discovered the following:

- The age of the youngest man to look at me was 19, the oldest 63. Seriously, 63? My father is 73. That just makes me feel dirty.

- All of the guys I've smiled at who viewed my profile did not smile back.

- Two women checked out my profile, but didn't smile at me. WTF? I am unappealing to both sexes.

- And this guy:

I was in a band of his. He is the biggest asshole that has ever walked the planet, hence the reason I quit his band. I guess his wife finally figured out what an asshole he is, hence the reason he's on Lava.
After seeing that, I felt even more gross than knowing a 63 year old checked me out.

And the level of disgust has turned me right off the whole internet dating thing, and dating period.

I just have to finally accept the fact that I am not meant to have a life partner. ChefGeoff has effectively disappeared. Firkin Mike never called back. Boy is back with Woman.

I'm done.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

I May Just Have A Fucking Stroke

Looks like my ex-husband is now someone else's husband. Here's a particularly shiteous picture of him and his bride (who is Baby Mama #2).

And here's the close up of the evidence.

I fucking hate him. And I fucking hate Facebook.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Hallmark Day

DT came over to keep me company today. I helped her make a Vday card for her beau while we watched a Ross & Rachel marathon on TVTropolis.

It was nice to have someone here who loves me.

Thank you DT. ♥

Friday, February 13, 2009

Firkin Mike

He just called me on my cell. I cannot believe this guy is actually trying to hook up with me. Well, come to think of it, he probably thinks I'm easy seeing as when we met, I was busy making out with Boy.

I told him to call me tomorrow. Let's see how crazy this guy really is.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Birthday Fun

I was out last night getting wrecked with my best friend Blondie. We hit a local Niagara pub for karaoke where I drank rum & coke all night. (At a fraction of what it would have cost up in the Tdot, I might add.)

There were a lot of cute (young) guys there. But none of them seemed to notice me - even after I rocked the mic with Pink's "So What?" Blondie and I were dancing later and this one guy marched right across the pub towards me, locking eyes, and then at the last minute, spun right around and headed back to his table. I laughed out loud at that. It's like he thought I was cute from across the bar, and as he got closer, realized I was probably about 10 years older than he.

We got back to Blondie's place around 3am were I unceremoniously passed out cold on her couch. I woke up around 8:30am and drove over to my Dad's place.

My brother and Dad woke up around 11:30am and gave me my birthday present - Ugly Betty Season 1 and Lady Gaga's album "The Fame". My little bro wanted to take me out to lunch but I insisted we just order pizza and hang out.

I threw on a toque and my coat over my PJs and headed out with brother in tow to the Fort Erie Mall to pick up some pizza.

Back in the day, my brothers, friends and I would spend hours at the Mall. Even though there really wasn't much, it was our after school and weekend playground. Gino's Pizza has been in that mall ever since I can remember, and at one point after I graduated from university, my boyfriend at the time had a job delivering pizzas for Gino's.

Walking in there brought back those memories, which I honestly had pretty much forgotten about. I remembered the nights I'd go meet up with the BF and wait for his shift to be over. We'd bring home stacks of unsold slices, which ended up being breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next few days.

My brother and I placed an order for the walk-in special, which came out to a whopping $5.65. The clerk told us it would be about 10 minutes, so we decided to walk around the Mall.

It's pretty much deserted now. The Walmart down the street effectively put the whole Mall out of business. The only things left aside from Gino's is a Sears Outlet (where you pick up items you order from the catalogue), a no-name discount clothing store, a barber shop (the same one!) and Zellers.

We went to Zellers where I immediately jumped onto a floor model elliptical machine. I can only imagine how ridiculous I looked with my red coat, green toque and pyjama pants, madly pumping away.

After my 2 minute work out, we shuffled back to Gino's, grabbed the pizza, drove through Timmy's and headed back to the house.

We jammed that pizza into our heads as fast as we could and played a few rounds of Rock Band before I had to leave to make my way back up to the Tdot for the Kevin Smith Film Fest. I bought a pass as a birthday present to myself. The films were fantastic and of course Kevin Smith was damn hiliarious during his Q&A.

I'm glad to say I didn't feel lonely at all on this birthday. And I spent it exactly the way I wanted to.

Friday, February 6, 2009

LSD and Lesbians

The more I hang out with ChefGeoff, the more I like him. This folks, is a tremendous departure from what usually happens when I met someone. I think there may be some chemistry happening!

Dinner last night was at a local Mexican restaurant. Arrival time was 5:30pm, and he was already waiting for me. Punctuality is a lost art form these days and definitely doesn't go unnoticed by me.

We drank Sol, munched on the free tortillas & dip and started talking. And talking, and talking, and talking. We eventually ordered from a waiter that Geoff swears was a dude who could drink beer through his nose.

I can't begin to tell you all of the topics we covered, but it was the spectrum. There were a few things he divulged that I think required a lot of trust. One of the things I pride myself on is the fact that people generally trust me within a very short period of time. And it looks like Geoff is no exception. :)

He told me he used to dabble in hallucinogenic candies such as LSD. He described his hilarious first experience with it. I told him I've never done drugs and he was shocked to pieces. I usually get that reaction - probably because people figure I must have done something in the past to damage my brain just enough to be the wacky lady you know and love today. :P

Another tidbit he shared was his belief that his mother is a lesbian. His parents divorced a few years ago after 30+ years of marriage. His theory - she's been a closet lezbot all these years and she's finally stepped a little closer to the closet door by leaving his father. He told me he would never ask her, and they've never discussed it, but he's pretty sure the "friend" she takes on vacations with her is mowing his mother's lawn.

About half way through our meal (he had enchiladas, I had nachos), I suddenly felt sick. My tummy got all twisted and it really felt like I was about to explode. I quickly excused myself to the ladies room.

Without grossing you out, everything I'd just eaten came right back out, loudly. I don't know if I was having a bad reaction to the beef on the nachos (I'd had beef a few days earlier with the same effect), or if it was my nerves finally rearing their ugly heads. Whatever the reason, I was praying that no one would come into the washroom until I left.

When I got back to the table, I glanced at my watch and it was around 7pm. We chatted some more and then he excused himself to the washroom. I looked at my watch again, and it read 9:13pm! Honestly, I thought I'd been back at the table for about 20 minutes but had been over TWO HOURS! WOW.

We got the cheque shortly thereafter, which he picked up, and made our way to the subway. I was only riding one stop with him so it was a short goodbye. He hugged me and asked if we could get together next week. Yay!

By the time I got home, there was a text message waiting from him, thanking me for the great night. I replied with my own thanks and asked him to call me sometime.

I'm trying not to get excited about him so I don't end up being disappointed. But I think he's got great potential.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

I Need Rehab

I need rehab or a vibrator. I slept with Boy again last night.


He's just like a disease, without any cure - so goes the song. I can't help it. I especially can't help it when it's been over a month since I've had a warm body in my bed. And I really, truly, especially can't help it when I am drinking with him. I admit it, I'm weak. A weak, horny woman in her mid thirties.

However, an interesting thing happened while I was out drinking and snogging.

Boy went to the bathroom, and while he was gone, a really cute guy sitting at the bar was totally checking me out. To the point where we were having a stare down. He mouthed, "Come here" and I mouthed back, "You come here". And then he shook his head and mouthed, "What about your man?" To which I replied audibly, "Oh he's no one." The guy looked puzzled, as he clearly saw me & Boy making out not 2 minutes before. I repeated, "He's really nobody."

At that moment, Boy comes back. And he asks me if I'm talking to myself. Of course I was talking to myself! Because it would be impossible that another man at the very same bar could find me hot and sexy and want to hook up with me.

We finished our drinks shortly thereafter and got ready to leave. Boy headed out the door first and I lagged behind a little bit. He looked behind, wondering where I was. I told him I needed a moment to fish my Metropass out of my purse. He said he'd meet me outside where he would be having a smoke. Perfect.

I instead fished out a business card and marched right up to the guy and told him to call me. He tried to stop me from leaving but I told him I really had to go.

Boy and I grabbed a bus back to his place and about 5 minutes into the ride my cell phone starts buzzing. I look at the number and it isn't one I recognize.

"Hi, it's Mike, from the bar."


"Hey, I'm on a bus, can't really talk."

"I'm still here waiting for you."

"Yeah, I had to go, sorry. But give me a call tomorrow okay?"


Boy and I then continued our make-out session and that carried over into a session where we rocked each other's world.

I've got a date tonight with ChefGeoff. I don't think it'll be too hard to put Boy out of my mind. I'm just treating it like going to the gas station for a fill up. No big whoop.