http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjE7BXy5t5I
Do you remember when we were just kids
And cardboard boxes took us miles from what we would miss
Schoolyard conversations taken to heart
And laughter took the place of everything we knew we were not
I wanna break every clock
The hands of time could never move again
We could stay in this moment (stay in this moment)
For the rest of our lives
Is it over now hey, hey, is it over now
I wanna be your last, first kiss
That you'll ever have
I wanna be your last, first kiss
Amazing how life turns out the way that it does
We end up hurting the worst, the only ones we really love
I wanna break every clock
The hands of time could never move again
We could stay in this moment (stay in this moment)
For the rest of our lives
Is it over now hey, hey, is it over now
I wanna be your last, first kiss
That you'll ever have
I wanna be your last, first kiss
Is it over now hey, hey, is it over now
Is it over now hey, hey, it's not over now
I wanna be your last, first kiss
That you'll ever have (that you'll ever have)
I wanna be your last, first love (that you'll ever have)
Till you're lying here beside me with arms and eyes open wide
I wanna be your last, first kiss
For all time
Friday, November 7, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Because I Like Him
Went for drinks with Boy again and he asked me why I liked him. I couldn't give him a specific answer at that moment. He seemed a little miffed by that.
For me, I can easily identify and itemize things I don't like about a person. But when I like someone, it's just a general fuzzy feeling of goodness.
When I got home, I thought about it and sent him this email.
From: Paprika
To: Boy
Subject: Why I Like You
You are nice.
You are very generous.
You are funny.
You are smart (but mostly a smart ass).
You are a great kisser.
You are a weirdo (in a good way).
You are hairy. :)
So there are some of reasons why I like you. Some of the other reasons are too fuzzy and abstract to pin down and describe in words. But they still add up to me liking you.
I didn't get any response. But I guess it's because I didn't really ask for one in return. That would be too Grade 8 for me. "Do you like me? Circle Yes or No."
For me, I can easily identify and itemize things I don't like about a person. But when I like someone, it's just a general fuzzy feeling of goodness.
When I got home, I thought about it and sent him this email.
From: Paprika
To: Boy
Subject: Why I Like You
You are nice.
You are very generous.
You are funny.
You are smart (but mostly a smart ass).
You are a great kisser.
You are a weirdo (in a good way).
You are hairy. :)
So there are some of reasons why I like you. Some of the other reasons are too fuzzy and abstract to pin down and describe in words. But they still add up to me liking you.
I didn't get any response. But I guess it's because I didn't really ask for one in return. That would be too Grade 8 for me. "Do you like me? Circle Yes or No."
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Oh I Don't Know Why
Boy is back. And he's on his best behaviour. He invited me out last week with his housemate to a concert at the Phoenix. Originally he had asked if they could crash at my place, to which I said yes (I'm all about mi casa es su casa). Then it turned into me going out to party with them.
I know, I know. You are all shaking your heads. I was shaking my head too. I figured it would end up with both of them out locked out of my place, with me never to return.
However, I'm happy to say that it didn't end up like that at all. We actually had fun.
Boy paid my way into the show, bought me drinks, made sure I wasn't getting crushed by the mosh pit, and generally being attentive. I was a little hesitant at first as I was certain Boy was going to pull some shiteous behaviour. We were at a club packed with chicks who were ready to rock out to the band, and to rock some lucky guy's world. I was certain some girl would catch his eye and the Douche Bag would reemerge.
I had a huge moment of doubt when Boy announced he was going for a smoke. I thought, "Okay, here is where everything went horribly wrong the last time." However, I was extraordinarily impressed with the fact that he returned within 2 minutes flat. Same with bathroom breaks - 2 minutes tops and he was back at my side. :)
On more than a few occasions, Housemate referred to Boy as my BF. I don't know if he was mocking me because he knows that Boy has no interest in being my official BF, or maybe Housemate knows something I don't. At any rate, I ignored that word as if it has been bleeped out by some cosmic censorship board.
After the show and a pit stop at Pizza Pizza, we headed back to my place. Housemate took a shower while Boy and I hit the sheets. Quiet sex is always hilarious and fun. Afterwards he snuggled his face up to mine and whispered "I'm glad you came out with me tonight." Aww.
The next day Boy came by after work to hang out. We watched a movie, snuggled on the couch and had a very nice and quiet night in. He asked me if it was cool to leave a change of clothes and some personal items there so he could stay over again. Of course! Mi casa es su casa and all that.
And he came back last night. We went out for drinks and eats and then back to my place for, well, you know what for. :)
He left behind another change of clothes...
I am treading with caution, but I've got a little smile on my face.
I know, I know. You are all shaking your heads. I was shaking my head too. I figured it would end up with both of them out locked out of my place, with me never to return.
However, I'm happy to say that it didn't end up like that at all. We actually had fun.
Boy paid my way into the show, bought me drinks, made sure I wasn't getting crushed by the mosh pit, and generally being attentive. I was a little hesitant at first as I was certain Boy was going to pull some shiteous behaviour. We were at a club packed with chicks who were ready to rock out to the band, and to rock some lucky guy's world. I was certain some girl would catch his eye and the Douche Bag would reemerge.
I had a huge moment of doubt when Boy announced he was going for a smoke. I thought, "Okay, here is where everything went horribly wrong the last time." However, I was extraordinarily impressed with the fact that he returned within 2 minutes flat. Same with bathroom breaks - 2 minutes tops and he was back at my side. :)
On more than a few occasions, Housemate referred to Boy as my BF. I don't know if he was mocking me because he knows that Boy has no interest in being my official BF, or maybe Housemate knows something I don't. At any rate, I ignored that word as if it has been bleeped out by some cosmic censorship board.
After the show and a pit stop at Pizza Pizza, we headed back to my place. Housemate took a shower while Boy and I hit the sheets. Quiet sex is always hilarious and fun. Afterwards he snuggled his face up to mine and whispered "I'm glad you came out with me tonight." Aww.
The next day Boy came by after work to hang out. We watched a movie, snuggled on the couch and had a very nice and quiet night in. He asked me if it was cool to leave a change of clothes and some personal items there so he could stay over again. Of course! Mi casa es su casa and all that.
And he came back last night. We went out for drinks and eats and then back to my place for, well, you know what for. :)
He left behind another change of clothes...
I am treading with caution, but I've got a little smile on my face.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Fish is Fried
I just deleted my PoF account.
(sigh)
I quit, again.
I can't wait to see my therapist next week.
(sigh)
I quit, again.
I can't wait to see my therapist next week.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
The Conclusion
Just for fun, I plugged in my and Boy's birthdays into a Chinese Sign Compatibility calculator. Here are the results.
Hopeless signs like yours just don't mix. Just think you are made up of four signs and a mix of five elements, none of which must match to give you this score. Have you ever heard the adage, "Trying to squeeze blood from a rock?" Well this is the relationship form of "Trying to squeeze love from a rock." Forget it and find a new man. Final Rating: 5%
As Amy Winehouse once sang, "What kind of fuckery is this?"Yup.
Blep.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Glutton
I am a glutton for punishment.
I have faith in people even when they demonstrate over and over they are not worth believing in.
I saw Boy on Monday. We fucked. We ate pizza and watched TV. We made out and passed out on the couch. It was nice.
I saw Boy last night. We had drinks. We ate. And then we had another conversation about what happened that disastrous night we went dancing.
And he still doesn't think he did anything wrong.
He still doesn't want to be my boyfriend. Although he finally admitted we are dating. But he placed a caveat on that - we are dating non-exclusively.
Which means he can go fuck whomever he wants, whenever he wants.
Which up until Monday, I was fine with.
I'm not fine with that anymore.
He told me he doesn't want me to depend on him emotionally. He doesn't want to be the person I call when I have a crisis. I told him flat out I wouldn't call him, I'd call my Faux Beau. Or my DT. OR ANYONE ELSE ON EARTH before I would trust him with my EMOTIONS.
And of course, I went home and cried my eyes out.
I have a migraine now. And I am going to leave work and go home and cry some more.
Because I am alone. AND YES I AM SAD ABOUT THAT.
And I'm going to get all sorts of phone calls and emails from my friends telling me how stupid I am for giving him any more of my time or my tears. And I will also get calls telling me to suck it up and that my life ain't so bad.
Well FUCK THAT SHIT. Because the voices of criticism come from people who are happily coupled off.
Every last person who is going to tell me what an idiot I am has someone to go home to at night. You all have someone who you can depend on emotionally. You all have someone you can share pizza with and watch TV with.
So unless any of you reading this are single, I don't want to hear one damn word about it.
I have faith in people even when they demonstrate over and over they are not worth believing in.
I saw Boy on Monday. We fucked. We ate pizza and watched TV. We made out and passed out on the couch. It was nice.
I saw Boy last night. We had drinks. We ate. And then we had another conversation about what happened that disastrous night we went dancing.
And he still doesn't think he did anything wrong.
He still doesn't want to be my boyfriend. Although he finally admitted we are dating. But he placed a caveat on that - we are dating non-exclusively.
Which means he can go fuck whomever he wants, whenever he wants.
Which up until Monday, I was fine with.
I'm not fine with that anymore.
He told me he doesn't want me to depend on him emotionally. He doesn't want to be the person I call when I have a crisis. I told him flat out I wouldn't call him, I'd call my Faux Beau. Or my DT. OR ANYONE ELSE ON EARTH before I would trust him with my EMOTIONS.
And of course, I went home and cried my eyes out.
I have a migraine now. And I am going to leave work and go home and cry some more.
Because I am alone. AND YES I AM SAD ABOUT THAT.
And I'm going to get all sorts of phone calls and emails from my friends telling me how stupid I am for giving him any more of my time or my tears. And I will also get calls telling me to suck it up and that my life ain't so bad.
Well FUCK THAT SHIT. Because the voices of criticism come from people who are happily coupled off.
Every last person who is going to tell me what an idiot I am has someone to go home to at night. You all have someone who you can depend on emotionally. You all have someone you can share pizza with and watch TV with.
So unless any of you reading this are single, I don't want to hear one damn word about it.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Crappy Carp
I joined PlentyOfFish.com last week. Literally within minutes of creating my account, I received a message from "RomanceTogether".
"Hello, You are drop dead gorgeous. I read your profile and find you to be down to earth. I would love to have a chance to meet you. How about going out for a coffee tonight or sometime this week? Hope to hear back from you."
I wrote him back saying that I'd read his profile and noticed he had children. I am looking for someone without kids (been there, done that). He wrote me back with, "Thank you for taking the time to read my profile and for writing back. That speaks volumes about the person you are. Take care and God Bless You".
How nice!
I read through few profiles and found one "SpiritMale" that seemed interesting. There was a line in his profile that said he made a "mean pasta". That made me chuckle. I sent him a message asking if he could make pasta in other moods other than "mean".
He wrote me back and from there we exchanged a few more messages before exchanging numbers.
He called me on Friday and asked me out. Right on! The plan was to meet for drinks after work, around 6ish.
I got to the designated meeting spot at 6:05pm and my first instinct was to walk right past him. When we said hello, my second instinct was to run screaming in the other direction.
We changed venues from drinks to sushi. And my inner voice was still screaming "RUN AWAY". As we sat down to dinner, everything took a turn to total crap.
He criticized my hat, my POF profile, my choice in drink (water, rather than saki) and told me he once dated a girl who treated her cats like humans, which in his opinion, is totally ridiculous.
The date lasted an hour flat. I thanked him and gave him a hug goodbye. As we were parting, he commented on what a great time he had with me and wanted to see me again. Yeah right. RUN AWAY!!
He messaged me later and asked me to a movie. I wrote him back thanking him again for dinner and that I would not want to take him up on the movie offer. He asked me why so I wrote him back with this:
"You criticized my profile again, which made me wonder why you even bothered to meet me.
You kept harping on my hat. It was a hat. I like hats. I don't get why it bothered you that I was wearing one. And I don't get why I had to explain why I was wearing a hat. Did I ask you why you were wearing pants? Or a coat? Or those particular shoes? I wore that hat on that particular day because I wanted to. Much like everything else I do on a daily basis, because I feel like it.
You questioned my taste in alcohol and you questioned why I wasn't having any alcohol with dinner. I think my tastes are my tastes and I felt like you were judging me.
You ridiculed a girl you dated for treating her cats like humans. My profile says I love my cat. I love him like a person. I love him enough that I have his initial tattooed to my collarbone. So when you said you thought it was ridiculous for that girl to love her cats so much, it was insulting to me as well.
And you kept making a joke about me being a guy. Yes, I enjoy things that are traditionally classified as male activities, but you made that joke like 3 times. It was funny the first time, mildly amusing the second time, and insulting the third time. You made me feel like I had zero femininity.
So I hope that gives you some insight."
He wrote me back with an apology. And that was that.
And since him, I've had one or two guys talk to me, but none have asked me out. Which is the problem that plagues me over and over. The only man who has ever asked me out on a date is my ex-husband. And we all know how that turned out.
I think I'm going to delete my profile. I know that a week isn't really a good measure of what the site has to offer. Given the fact that the site boasts over 900,000 active daily users, half of whom I will assume to be men, I've already struck out.
The universe keeps showing me that I am not meant to be with anyone.
"Hello, You are drop dead gorgeous. I read your profile and find you to be down to earth. I would love to have a chance to meet you. How about going out for a coffee tonight or sometime this week? Hope to hear back from you."
I wrote him back saying that I'd read his profile and noticed he had children. I am looking for someone without kids (been there, done that). He wrote me back with, "Thank you for taking the time to read my profile and for writing back. That speaks volumes about the person you are. Take care and God Bless You".
How nice!
I read through few profiles and found one "SpiritMale" that seemed interesting. There was a line in his profile that said he made a "mean pasta". That made me chuckle. I sent him a message asking if he could make pasta in other moods other than "mean".
He wrote me back and from there we exchanged a few more messages before exchanging numbers.
He called me on Friday and asked me out. Right on! The plan was to meet for drinks after work, around 6ish.
I got to the designated meeting spot at 6:05pm and my first instinct was to walk right past him. When we said hello, my second instinct was to run screaming in the other direction.
We changed venues from drinks to sushi. And my inner voice was still screaming "RUN AWAY". As we sat down to dinner, everything took a turn to total crap.
He criticized my hat, my POF profile, my choice in drink (water, rather than saki) and told me he once dated a girl who treated her cats like humans, which in his opinion, is totally ridiculous.
The date lasted an hour flat. I thanked him and gave him a hug goodbye. As we were parting, he commented on what a great time he had with me and wanted to see me again. Yeah right. RUN AWAY!!
He messaged me later and asked me to a movie. I wrote him back thanking him again for dinner and that I would not want to take him up on the movie offer. He asked me why so I wrote him back with this:
"You criticized my profile again, which made me wonder why you even bothered to meet me.
You kept harping on my hat. It was a hat. I like hats. I don't get why it bothered you that I was wearing one. And I don't get why I had to explain why I was wearing a hat. Did I ask you why you were wearing pants? Or a coat? Or those particular shoes? I wore that hat on that particular day because I wanted to. Much like everything else I do on a daily basis, because I feel like it.
You questioned my taste in alcohol and you questioned why I wasn't having any alcohol with dinner. I think my tastes are my tastes and I felt like you were judging me.
You ridiculed a girl you dated for treating her cats like humans. My profile says I love my cat. I love him like a person. I love him enough that I have his initial tattooed to my collarbone. So when you said you thought it was ridiculous for that girl to love her cats so much, it was insulting to me as well.
And you kept making a joke about me being a guy. Yes, I enjoy things that are traditionally classified as male activities, but you made that joke like 3 times. It was funny the first time, mildly amusing the second time, and insulting the third time. You made me feel like I had zero femininity.
So I hope that gives you some insight."
He wrote me back with an apology. And that was that.
And since him, I've had one or two guys talk to me, but none have asked me out. Which is the problem that plagues me over and over. The only man who has ever asked me out on a date is my ex-husband. And we all know how that turned out.
I think I'm going to delete my profile. I know that a week isn't really a good measure of what the site has to offer. Given the fact that the site boasts over 900,000 active daily users, half of whom I will assume to be men, I've already struck out.
The universe keeps showing me that I am not meant to be with anyone.
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