Enough Already

That is it. For real. I'm DONE.

I reopened my PoF account last week. A guy messaged me a few days ago. We made a coffee date for tonight. I emailed him the address and nearest intersection, just to be clear. He messaged me this morning, confirming for tonight at 7pm.

At 7:20pm I was still sitting there alone.

JESUS H. CHRIST.

I just cannot take any more rejection.

So that's it. I'm finished for now. Alone I shall travel through this unholy hell we call life.

Drunken Cupid

I went out on Friday with my new BFF and drank a truck load of wine. (What else is new really?)

Saturday morning I had to get up early for a baptism. As I usually do when I wake up, I checked my email. I was quite hung over (read: still drunk) and through my bleary eyes, I saw a few emails in my box from OKCupid.com

WTF? I don't recall ever signing up for OKCupid. Very confused, I clicked on one of the emails. "You've got a message waiting! Click here!"

Normally I would think a message like that was junk mail, however the message referred to me as Paprika. No junk mail is that smart, so I clicked on the link and I was whisked away to OKCupid.

Apparently I had a profile there. Which I signed up for the night before. I went through the whole process of putting together a profile and uploading a picture. I have NO recollection of any of it! Methinks that's called a blackout.

Until today, I couldn't figure out how the hell I even knew about OKCupid. I was checking Pink Collar's blog and she referenced OKCupid in one of her posts. In my drunken stupor, I probably made the decision to sign up.

I really need to install a breathalyzer control on the power button for my computer.

For Everyone Else

I'm great at hooking people up.

Not so great at hooking up myself.

I ask my friends for help, and in a passive agressive way, they refuse.

I must really be awful.

*hic*

Six Words

JT and I hung out for pretty much the whole day yesterday. We attended a taping of "The Hour" and then stuffed our faces with sushi at Hosu. I gotta say, hands down, Hosu has the best sushi in the city.

After putting away our chopsticks, we took a walk over to the gigantic Chapters store that resides at the corner of Richmond St. & John St. JT and I are huge book lovers so we were in there for quite a while.

JT came across this little book sitting next to a book I had picked up. The book she discovered was called "Six-Word Memoirs on Love & Heartbreak".

I put down Obama's Inauguration and picked up Six Words. The first page I randomly flipped to read "Married by Elvis. Divorced by Friday."

Oh wow did that ever hit close to home.

For the next few minutes, JT and I read aloud the words that moved us. And a few minutes after that JT had purchased several copies of the book, one of which was gifted to moi.

We sat in Second Cup after that, each reading our copy of the book. And as we sat there reading and sipping our vanilla bean lattes, JT's phone rang. It was her ex-husband. And he had six words for her.

"We are just signing the papers."

JT has been held hostage by her ex for the last 2 years. After they split she moved out, he stayed in the marital home. The agreement was she'd sign over the title to him, as long as he secured financing to take over the entire mortgage. She signed, he lost his job but neglected to tell JT that minor detail. JT started getting phone calls from the bank wondering where the mortgage payments were. Her ex assured her he'd take care of it. A year and half of broken promises later, JT retained counsel and the ex was forced to do the right thing and sell the house.

That phone call was him informing her that the house was indeed sold.

Cue the Hallelujah chorus!

We high-fived, we shook, we shimmied. We went for drinks. I watched JT grin ear to ear. I was so happy to have been there for that moment. I took pictures! It was fantastic!!

We parted ways - she off to tell her boyfriend the good news in person, me off to my couch where I've been falling asleep to the TV over the last several weeks.

I had a dream last night about my ex husband. We were in Mexico. I think we'd arrived there separately. And when we saw each other, we fell in love all over again. He was kind and nice and gentle. I could tell that time had passed and he had healed. We laughed. We embraced. We made love. I told him how much I missed him and how I'd never stopped loving him.

And when I woke up this morning, confusion set in for those first moments of consciousness. And then six words came to my mind.

"In my dreams, you are perfect."

JT or UT

My DT and I promised each other that only one of us would have a crisis at a time. The overlapping of our divorces was not the ideal situation.

Well that promise has fallen all to shit.

I lost my job today. DT is also in a current state of unemployment.

DT shall hence be known as JT. And I ain't talking Justin Timberlake. She is now my Jobless Twin. Or UT - Unemployment Twin. I haven't decided which moniker sounds better.

Either way, we're both going through the same shit together, again.

Sheesh.

I Must Be Hideous

Just got home from ChefGeoff's place. I brought over a bottle of wine and we ordered in. I didn't know this, but he's deathly allergic to wine, so I drank the whole damn bottle myself. He drank some rye & ginger.

I flirted. I laughed at his jokes. I asked him all sorts of questions about stuff that mattered to him. I snuggled up against him while we watched 2 episodes of Friends, the Star Wars episode of Family Guy, and an episode (probably the pilot) of Married, With Children.

And in return? I got a walk to the subway and a kiss on the cheek.

I must be the most hideous creature to ever exist on the planet.

10 months until I get impregnated by my donor. That's as close as I'll ever get to a loving relationship.

Vomit

I just finished lunch with Mike. And I don't know why, but I feel like puking. He makes me want to puke. Puke! PUKE!

It could be the Mozza burger I scarfed down, or it could be him. I don't know if it's a repulsive reaction, or a reaction much like on South Park when Stan really likes Wendy to the point that he vomits.

I spent most of the lunch ranting about my crazy ex husband, who's insanity has resurfaced over the last week. And Mike sat there and listened to every last word. At appropriate times he would nod, or shake his head, or make an noise of understanding. And I just kept going and going and going...

To and from the food court, he held my hand. He gave me kisses upon arrival and departure. AND I WANTED TO PUKE.

When I got back to the office, I went to the ladies room to wash my hands and face so I could get rid of his scent. BECAUSE IT MAKES ME WANT TO PUKE.

If this is my reaction to a nice guy, then there's really no hope for me. I'm better off alone rather than nauseous.

Panic

Without fail, for the last 9 days, Mike has phoned/emailed/texted/Facebooked. WITHOUT FAIL. (Did I mention he hasn't missed a single day?)

I think the Universe has sent him to remind me what it's like when a guy is really into me. And yes, I've read the book. I've even bought the book twice. The first copy was lent out and was never returned. The second copy is currently with my cousin, but I know where she lives so I can get it back at some point.

At any rate, the Universe did not send me the antidote to the PANIC I've been feeling over said 9 days. And there's nothing in "He's Just Not That Into You" that addresses this situation.

It's silly for me to be PANICking. He likes me. This I am sure of. So why the PANIC?!

Perhaps it's because I know he's leaving, which by the way, has been bumped up from April 1st to March 23rd. Perhaps it's because I'm nuts. Perhaps it's because I human.

He called me tonight and I didn't answer the phone. PANIC.

He left a voice mail I have yet to check. PANIC.

He's taking me out for lunch tomorrow. PANIC.

I must be one of "those people", who's only happy when it rains.