Girl Crush

When I was around 7 years old, I had a crush on a teenage black girl who lived in my neighbourhood. Keep in mind this was the early 80s, so the neighbourhoods in sleepy Niagara weren't as integrated as they are now.

She was tall with medium black skin, and her hair was cropped short. She had this amazing smile and beautiful sing song voice complete with exotic accent. I really wanted to be her when I grew up.

I can't really remember how we even met. I think my Mom may have been friends with her mom. At any rate, we spent a lot of time playing at the park near my house.

One sunny day, we went to the park and climbed around the playground equipment. There was one portion that I called the tree house, because it was a box built way up high. I had always wished for a tree house but we didn't have a tree in our yard that could support that kind of structure. So I dubbed that part of the set as my own tree house.

We sat up there with the sun and the wind. I remember she was wearing a white sun dress that had colourful stripes. The white really stood out against her skin.

I'm not sure how long we were up there. In my memory, it feels like it could have been the entire day.

At one point, and I'm not exactly sure how we got to that point, she took my hand and placed it on her breast. I didn't think it was weird at all. It felt natural to me. I remember cupping her breast and thinking how perfectly it fit into my hand. I also remember feeling her shiver, and feeling goosebumps prickle up against my hand.

We sat there for a while. I wondered when I would grow breasts. I wondered why she picked me to be so close with.

And after that day I never saw her again. I can't remember why though. I'm sure it went something like this:

I went home and my Mom asked me where I'd been. I would have told her the truth, because I wouldn't have thought I'd done anything wrong. I was in the tree house holding my friend's boob. And then my Mom would have freaked out because she was a devout Catholic and had been brought up to think homosexuality is an abomination. And then she probably would have called my friend's mom and told her what happened and that I wouldn't be allowed to see her daughter again.

My poor Mom. The things she had to go through in her short time on this planet. God bless her soul.

I'm certainly not gay. But I also know that I have had crushes on girls through out my life. The same kinds of crushes I've had on boys. The kind that make your stomach flip and produce butterflies.

My current girl crush is piano player I met a few months ago, who is in my friend's band. She's a bit taller than me (I guess I like taller no matter the sex), with long, brown, curly hair. She's so warm and friendly, you can't help but like her. She's divorced too and currently looking for love.

I'm trying to convince her to ask out the drummer in the band. I've seen the way he looks at her, and the way he hangs off every word she speaks.

The ironic thing is that I've got a crush on the drummer too. Since I know I can't be with either of them, they might as well be together. How's that for twisted Freudian theories?

In the meantime, I'll just continue to enjoy her company. And maybe arrange a jam session or two where she'll play and I'll sing. We'll make sweet music together in the literal sense.