Disco Break

I'm back from the Dominican with a nasty cold but my chastity still in tact.

I did not use one of the six condoms I brought with me. That was by choice, and not for lack of opportunity.

Opportunity came in the form of a very tall and very hot Italian boy who was a friend of the groom. He gleaned onto me from the moment we stepped off the plane. By that afternoon, we were snogging. By that evening, I had him wrapped around my pinkie. By the next day, we were practically engaged. And I was so painfully annoyed by how absolutely STUPID he was.

Here's a partial list of the things that made me want to smack him with a brick:

* almost 39 years old and still lives with his parents

* Mommy packed his suitcase for him, which was so overweight he had to pay a $100USD luggage penalty

* was loud and obnoxious but would shush himself (seriously, it was the strangest thing I've ever seen)

* drooled when drunk

* partied every single night without fail

* made out with me, knowing full well he was sick, which of course I ended up catching

And the most annoying thing? No matter where we were - be it at the beach, at dinner, walking through the lobby - he would randomly yell "DISCO BREAK" and bust out dancing to the music in his head.

One night we were at one of the fancy a la carte restaurants and he would just not stop being loud.

P: Hey, are you like a canary?

DB: (quizzical look)

P: If I put a napkin over your head, will you go to sleep?

(whole table howls with laughter)

For the rest of the week, anytime Disco Break would get out of hand, someone would ask for a napkin.

I am proud to say that even though I was lonely, I chose NOT to hook up with him. It would have been sooooo easy too, even easier than with Boy. But I think I've finally learned what all of my friends have been SCREAMING at me.

I'm better than that.