Waves of Rejection

It seems my ability to repel men extends to the waters of the Caribbean.

I went on a cruise with the New Kids on the Block. They advertised it as the once in a lifetime chance to hang with the guys I've been chasing for the last 20 years.

Now don't get me wrong, I never thought for one moment that I'd get more than 30 seconds with any of them. I went into it thinking if I happen to run into them around the ship, then cool. If I didn't, that would be fine as well.

Turns out that I did run into them randomly, on more than one occasion. The one I ran into most was Joey, who happens to be my favourite.

And that motherfucker broke my heart.

All I wanted was a picture of me with him. I ran into him randomly 3 times and each time I asked him (very politely I might add), he said NO. His reasoning? If he did it for me, he'd have to do it for everyone else.

Which begs the question - WASN'T THAT THE FUCKING POINT OF THE CRUISE?

After the third denial, I just threw myself at him and gave him a hug anyway. I felt like a rapist because I didn't ask permission, I just took it. I was so upset I actually went back to my room to cry. He stabbed my 34 year old heart and killed my 14 year old soul at the same time.

I'm sitting here crying just thinking about this again. I spent about $2000 on this trip and I got pretty much nothing to show for it. A stolen moment with someone I've loved with all my heart for 20 years.

There were other girls who were all waaaaaaaay hotter than me who got the opportunity for photos and autographs because they dressed like sluts and acted like total bitches. I spoke to a lot of other girls who were all feeling the same thing, "What's wrong with me?"

The cruise did nothing for my self confidence. I did not once walk around the boat in my swim suit. I was too ashamed around all the beautiful people. I usually don't care what I look like in a bikini but man, I was surrounded by 2,000 women, most of whom looked like they fell out of a fashion magazine.

At any rate, there was one small moment of awesome, in the form of my very cute waiter. His name was Sasa (pronounced Sasha) and he was from Bosnia, complete with the accent. He was tall, blonde and blue eyed. My usual suspect. :)

The first night that my roomie and I went to the formal dining room, I didn't even notice that we had a preassigned table. We just wanted to sit by a window and watch the water wave on by. The only window seat available was in Sasa's section.

It was love at first appetizer.

The second night I was wearing a little black dress with a ton of clevage, because we were supposed to dress up. The tour organizers made up these retarded theme nights on the boat. The first night was a PJ Party, the second night was Dress to Impress, and the third night was a White Party. At any rate, I was looking pretty smokin' if I do say so myself. And I think Sasa noticed because he was particularly chatty that evening.

On the final night, two friends joined my roomie and me for dinner. We'd met these amazingly awesome girls at karaoke on the first night. They were both tall, gorgeous and super nice so we all became buds. One was from St. Louis and the other from Beverly Hills.

The three girls were decked out in white while I rebelled and wore black again. It also happened to be BH's birthday that night, so she looked extra gorgeous in a beautiful white dress. So while everyone was placing their order, I managed to catch Sasa's eye and mouthed "It's her birthday". He winked and nodded.

Between dinner and dessert, Sasa came over and leaned in to whisper in my ear.

Now if I may digress for a moment... I cannot find the words to accurately describe the thrill of having a man that close to me. The way he leaned in, his arm touching my shoulder. The way he smelled. The feeling of his breath on my cheek. Yes folks, it's been *that* long.

So the reason he was leaning in (and unknowingly giving me an orgasm) was because he needed to know BH's name for the cake and off-key singing. I told him her name, and he said "What?" rather loudly. This got the rest of the table's attention. BH does have an unusual name, but seriously, who's he to judge SASA?! So I repeated her name. Everyone heard me say her name. Then he said, "See you at 1am". I giggled and he left.

The girls all automatically assumed that Sasa was interested in BH, was using me to gather information about her, and arranging a rendez-vous after his shift.

And honestly, I would have made that assumption too. She's tall, tanned, toned and drop dead gorgeous. I, on the other hand, am resembling a white potato more and more with each passing day.

So the surprise of BH's birthday cake and off-key singing had even more of an impact. None of them at the table had any clue that I had set it up in plain sight.

Afterwards, we all headed to the upper deck for the White Party. I kept my eyes peeled for Sasa while the girls kept their eyes locked on NKOTB partying in their isolated VIP area.

About half an hour later, my roomie finally put two and two together. "It was YOU he wanted to meet tonight."

Yup, potato-y me.

Needless to say, I never found him that night. It's too bad too cuz I would have fucked the accent right out of him.