Welcome to Cougarville, Pop. 1

ANGELPAINT says:
hey gorgeous!

PAPRIKA8 replies:
Hey there. :)

ANGELPAINT says:
im hoping u like younger men...wink wink lol ;)

PAPRIKA8 replies:
LOL What's not to like? :)

ANGELPAINT says:
well put it this way im looking for something casual my ex was 36 so im well trained lol

ANGELPAINT says:
just figured given the age gap it would be tough for something serious

PAPRIKA8 replies:
LOL. Thanks for the offer, but I'm looking for something serious.

ANGELPAINT says:
might we be on the same page..haha ya im bad

PAPRIKA8 replies:
My days of casual are over. Although they were lots of fun.

ANGELPAINT says:
so come out of retirement

PAPRIKA8 replies:
LOL Ah as much fun as that would be, I want to put my effort into something that will pay off in the end.

PAPRIKA8 replies:
You shouldn't have any problems finding someone who'll play with you.

ANGELPAINT says:
ya i know but i like u..haha come on it good at least until mr right comes along

PAPRIKA8 replies:
You're sweet, but like I said, I want to put my effort into a long term thing. If I'm spending my time playing, I won't be around for Mr. Right to find me.

Julie & Julia & Paprika

I went to a screening of "Julie & Julia" this evening with a couple of girlfriends, one of whom is about to give birth in a couple of weeks.

I had no expectations going into this film because I didn't know anything about either of the title characters.

It turned out to be quite a funny, yet touching film about two women, from two completely different eras, trying to find themselves. Both used cooking as a means to truly understand who they are.

I could totally relate. Well, except for the cooking part. :)

The film tells us that Julia Child was almost 40 years old and still a virgin when she met her husband Paul. The film depicted them as devoted, supportive and madly in love with each other.

In real life, they both lived to be over 90 years old. Fifty years of marriage. And fifty years of Julia's buttery cooking.

Lately I've been steadfast in my thought that it is way too late for me to find the love of my life. But after learning about Julia & Paul's love story, I feel hope again.

However, it doesn't make me feel better that she died childless. :P

Really?

Here's my horoscope for the day.

"Believe it or not your life is getting better by the day, the hour, even the minute, and what happens between now and the end of the week will prove it. Don’t let money worries blind you to the fantastic things that are going on in your world."

Oh please, oh please, oh please....

So Much For That

I'm done, again. But really, did we expect anything else?

LongeRanger duly ignored me for 7 straight days so I deleted him from Facebook last night. Short of a death in the family, he has ZERO excuse for this. The frustrating part is I know I'll never get to tell him what a douche bag he is. Because douche bags are cowards and they don't care about anyone but themselves.

I feel like I keep banging my face against the same brick wall. Somehow, everyone I know has managed to find the door, while I stand outside a bloody mess.

New Mantra

Calm down and carry on.

My DT told me this yesterday after having read my last post, and after having listened to me freak out on the phone for about 45 minutes.

I also talked to my sister-in-law last night about the same subject and she gave me the same advice - not in the same words - but absolutely the same sentiment.

I still haven't heard from Mr. Lone Ranger. And I decided to myself this morning that if by some miracle he does contact me again, I will simply let him know that I expect more. I'm certainly not expecting he contact me 10 times a day. But I do expect that if I call or email him, he calls or emails me back in a timely manner, i.e. within several hours instead of 72 hours. If he isn't willing to give me at least that, then he can gladly show himself the door.

As Steve Harvey so expertly wrote in his book "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man", women have to set standards. If a man won't live up to your standards, then cut him loose.

And that's what I intend to do.

Lone Ranger

I haven't written about this until now for two reasons. The first being, I wanted to keep it to myself for a while. The second being, he's pulling stupid-idiot-man-shit behaviour and you all know I can't not talk about that.

I went back onto Lava around the end of June. I figured since I wasn't meeting guys in real life, then I should at least get back online. This time though, I went in with the attitude that I will smile at everyone I thought was cute, but I wouldn't lose my shit if they didn't smile back.

I smiled and smiled and smiled and smiled. And nothing. And I was fine.

I smiled and smiled and smiled some more. And then I got a nibble from LoneRanger1972: 37 years old, lives in Oshawa, never married, no kids, freelance journalist, editor and PR guy. He sent me a nice email and our correspondence began.

We sent emails back and forth every couple of days over the course of 3 weeks, until one day he asked me for my email and/or phone number. I happily obliged.

He sent me an email soon after. And then a phone call that same evening. That call lasted almost 6 1/2 hours. Wowza. We covered a lot of ground, including my disastrous marriage and subsequent divorce.

And much to my surprise, he called me again a few days later (4 1/2 hour talk), asking me out on a date. We had our first date on July 31st. And as far as I could tell, everything went swimmingly as the date (which lasted 5 hours) ended with a smooch.

He said he'd call me after I got back from Fort Erie for the long weekend. I emailed him when I got back to town and then didn't hear anything from him for 3 days. Which made me cry. For real. I know it was stupid to get worked up over it, but the fact that we had over 11 hours of talking time and 5 hours in-person time clocked already, I was thinking this guy may be a contender.

He finally emailed me apologizing for the slow response time. He was busy with work. Okay, fair enough, he is a freelancer after all. We made plans for Date #2 - dinner and a movie.

Date #2 went extremely well, as that ended with a mini make out session on the corner of Yonge & Eglinton. I invited him to see my band play - Date #3.

My band played this past Saturday night. He showed up at the end of the first set and stayed until the show was over and we had finished tearing down. He smooched me goodnight and said he'd call me the next day.

Sunday came, and he called! And asked me out on Date #4 for that night. Movies again, which is awesome for me because that is my favourite thing to do.

So I'm standing in the lobby of the theatre at exactly 6pm, which was the prescribed meeting time. At 6:10pm I got a text saying he'll be late, well after 6:30pm which was the start time of the film. "Something came up that I couldn't get out of."

Okay fine, shit happens. I texted him back and said I'd be at the Firkin pub up the street from the theatre getting something to eat.

I grabbed a beer. Then I ordered food (shepherd's pie & veggies). Then I ate my food. Then I finished my beer. Then I got my bill. Then I paid my bill. And I was just about to leave when he finally showed up. ONE. HOUR. AND. FIFTEEN. MINUTES. LATE.

He looked sheepish walking in. He said hello. I simply asked, "What happened?" He launched into a long story about a very important agenda item being missed by him, which the client required before Monday morning. So he had to get it done, but it was a really tedious task. So what he thought would take him 20 minutes turned into 40 minutes, and well, that's why he was late.

Fine. I forgave him. He kissed me and sat down. Then I watched him drink a beer and eat chicken fingers & fries. I helped with the fries.

Instead of catching a later movie, I decided we should go see my bass player in a jazz trio playing at Gate 403.

We grabbed a few drinks, snuggled, held hands, and smooched a bit. All was fine again.

He dropped me off at the subway station. We had a full on make out session in his car. I liked the way he was kissing me. It was nice, not gross, and not sloppy. We said goodnight and he said he'd call me.

I sent him an email when I got home thanking him for the nice night out. No response (he's got a blackberry, so no excuses).

I called yesterday and got his voicemail so I left him a message. Hasn't called me back.

So here's the part where I lose my fucking mind. And here are the things that bug me.

1. When we talk, it's 90% him, 10% me. When I try to interject, he keeps talking. Methinks he likes the sound of his own voice, and he really loves using his extensively huge vocabulary, being a journalist and all.

2. He was late for all our dates. But none as spectacularly late as Date #4.

3. He's never offered me a ride home. I know he lives in Oshawa, which means he has to travel east of where we've been on dates, and I live a teeny bit west. However, he should mind that his lady friend gets home safely.

4. He has a funny walk. (I know, I'm just being petty at this point.)

5. When he says he'll call, it's daaaaaaays later. But when I'm not expecting anything, he bombards me. Case in point, Saturday morning. I was in the shower getting ready for an audition. I came out and there was 2 text messages on my phone. I went to dry my hair, came back and there was a voicemail. I put on clothes & makeup and checked my email before leaving, there was one from him. Huh zuh! Where is all this communication when I want it????

Does this guy actually dig me, or is he passing the time? Or is he completely clueless and that's why he's still single? Or am I expecting too much?

Oh, and I hadn't been on Lava since our 2nd date, but was curious today to see the last time he was on. Answer: yesterday, when he should have been fucking calling me back.

Parting Shot

I guess I spoke too soon about Woman's lack of gonads. Here's her parting shot.

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From: Woman
To: Paprika
Date: Mon, Aug 17, 2009 at 11:20 AM
Subject: RE: I guess I know now

Hey P,

Yes, I removed you from FB last week. Sorry if it was a shock – I wasn’t even sure you’d notice, or mind by this point.

I thought after some time had passed I would be able to keep you as friend without any problem but I find that it’s just too bizarre for me. I know you have a great big heart and also that Boy hurt you.

I know that you developed major feelings for him that were not reciprocated and also understand how his behavior might have been misleading. I wish he had not hurt you.

But what weirds me out is that you never told me about your history with him. It would have explained so much, and I would have been sympathetic and then some. But to find out so late, and not from you, and after all the times you criticized and vilified him – I believed you because, to my knowledge, you had no reason to lie and no vested interest. But I was wrong – you had both – and that changed everything. If I had known, things would have been very different.

There are times when I am tempted to give you a call and say “let’s hang out!” but then think it would be awkward and strained so I don’t.

But I do hope that you are very happy and that everything is going super well for you.

Take care and rock on...

Woman
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I just need to say this one more time: I WAS THE ONE WHO WAS CHEATED ON, HE'S THE ONE WHO LIED ABOUT EVERYTHING, SO WHY THE FUCK AM I THE BAD THE GUY HERE?

I made a decision not to tell her after they had broken up in February. Perhaps it was the wrong decision in her view. For me, there was no reason to drudge all that shit up because they were over. I looked at what I'd have wanted if the situation were reversed. I could only make a decision based on my point of view. I've always treated others the way I'd want to be treated, and if the situation were reversed, I would NOT have wanted to know. That is how I came to that decision to not say anything.

Seriously, when did it become a requirement that I divulge who I've slept with to my new girlfriends? I can bet you at least one person reading this has slept with the same guy that a friend has slept with. Granted my & Woman's situation was a little more twisted seeing as he cheated on me with her, and then cheated on her with me. But he told the same lie to both of us - he wasn't "with" anyone at the time, even though his actions directly contradicted what he said.

The root of the problem is that they got back together. I tried to caution her against this because I knew he was a skeeze ball. I don't like the fact she thinks the only reason I trashed him was because he hurt me. I would give the same advise to anyone who was dating a known cheater and overall douche bag. I would tell her what I know, but let her make up her own mind. Which is exactly what I did here. Obviously she chose to stay with him and I accepted that.

Their "relationship" is now at the 3 month mark, which is usually when Boy's dick leads him into another vagina. We'll see what happens in a few weeks. I don't doubt for one second he'll do it again to her. She's looking for a husband. He's looking for as much poontang pie as he can get.

Deleted

Woman deleted me from Facebook without so much as a parting "fuck you".

I hate passive aggressive behaviour. So I sent her an email to that effect. And in typical passive style, it was met without response.

I honestly and truly wish that she and Boy live happily ever after. But really, when has a Woman ever been truly happy with a Boy?

At least I've learned that lesson and am holding out for a Man.

And a Half

Today is my half birthday. I'm exactly 6 months into my 35th year of life.

I've always lived by the philosophy of finding every opportunity to celebrate. So as long as I can remember, I've always celebrated my half birthday. Of course, it's never with the extravagance of celebrating my real birthday, but I've always tried to do a little something special in honour of the half way point.

This half birthday is met with mixed emotions. I'll be 35 in 6 short months.

Thirty-five.

THIRTY-BLOODY-FIVE! I would be a liar if I said that this doesn't bother me. It. Bothers. Me. And only because I am no where near where I want to be in my personal life.

Professionally, I feel pretty good. I'm the head of something now, after having taken a hit and losing my job where I was the head of nothing. I know there will be more opportunity for me to grow in my new position and I am excited about that.

I'm in a band. That's miles ahead of where I was only 3 years ago. I've written and recorded a song. Doesn't sound like much, but that's a huge accomplishment for me. I finally got that creative ball rolling and there's no stopping it now.

Personally, I feel lousy. I'm still stuck in the same place I was when I started this blog. There has been zero positive movement. There's been a whole lot of shitbag negative movement, but who the fuck wants to celebrate that?

I took a look at a post from exactly a year ago today, and guess what? It was about me feeling sad because I had no one at home waiting for me after work. And guess what again? That fact is still true. Probably more true now seeing as at least I was going on regular dates last summer. Wow, I think I've actually made negative progress in my love life.

So now that I'm staring the big three-five in the eye, I don't feel quite so celebratory.

You know, if it wasn't for this damn screaming biological clock, I think things would be a whole lot better.