Divine Intervention

The bar we played at last night used to be a church. The first time I walked in, I knew I had to get booked there. The acoustics are amazing of course. And the whole vibe of the place is peaceful and warm.

My friend Brent met me at the bar before my show to have dinner and listen to me bemoan what happened with Boy. I asked him for the guy perspective and he told me that Boy is definitely a huge douche bag, plain and simple.

I told Brent that perhaps I should just start praying for my dream guy. So I looked up to the ceiling and said, "Hey God, it's me, Paprika. So I just wanted to ask that if you have a moment, could you please send me a smart, funny, NICE, decent and good looking guy. Cuz I'm pretty ready to stop seeing losers like Boy and get on with my life. Okay thanks. Bye."

As I finished my prayer, I realized it was time to hit the stage. I stopped at the bar to grab my favourite drink while performing - room temperature water with no ice. The bar owner Val was happy to oblige. While she was pouring my poison, she asked me how things were going with Boy. Gave her the short version - he stuck his dick in someone else. She was horrified at that and said, "You've been through so much, I know the perfect guy will come walking through that door." To which I replied, "From your lips to the universe's ears."

I hit the stage and rocked out with my boys for the next hour. My Dad showed up half way through the set. My friend Kelly showed up and hung with my Dad. People were enjoying our stuff.

After the break, we got back up and just as we finished the first song of the 2nd set, in walked The Mechanic.

Now I must take a moment and give you the back story.

[ My friend mentioned to me a while ago that her brother the mechanic is 39, never married, and definitely looking to settle down. However, he keeps chasing girls who are princesses and just general bitches and definitely not the marrying type. Now normally she would never dream of fixing up her bro however, she paired the two of us in her mind's eye and decided that there could potentially be a long term match. I've met him a few times at her place for various get togethers but because I've been so involved with the drama of Boy, I haven't really given The Mechanic much thought.

My friend, her boyfriend and The Mechanic came to a show of mine 2 weeks ago in Toronto. They stayed for 1 1/2 sets and then took off without saying goodnight. I thought for sure at that point he decided I was too (insert annoying character trait here) and ran away as fast as possible. Turns out that wasn't the case, my friend wasn't feeling well so they all went home.

I spent last Sunday hanging at my friend's place and of course, The Mechanic just happened to show up. The plan was to go to the Santa Claus Parade however I was far too tired from my show in Oshawa (which Boy had come to ), and they were all hung over from a night of Rockband. So we watched movies, passed out on different pieces of furniture, went shopping at Costco, watched more movies, ate dinner and passed out again. At 11:30pm I realized I had to go home as I had to work the following day. He offered me a ride home.

In the car he started babbling about a bunch of stuff, and I think the general gist was that he liked me. He said I was attractive and good. (Good? Evil probably.) He babbled, blubbed, stuttered and mentioned that he also knew I was divorced and probably apprehensive about starting up another relationship so soon after the proverbial ink had dried. He gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek goodnight. And that was the last time I saw him. ]

I caught his attention and waved. He smiled and sat down at the table just in front of my Dad and Kelly. He had a few days of beard growing which of course makes me wanna jump him immediately. He was wearing a button down shirt and cargos. And he looked genuinely happy to see me.

I went right over to him during the break after my set and gave him a big hug. I told him I was very surprised to see him, as he lives quite far north of Toronto. He told me that he was at his sister's downtown and decided he wanted to come see the show. He got a new GPS for his car and thought he'd try it out.

I gotta say, him showing up like that scored quite a lot of points with me.

I introduced him to the band and to my Dad. Of course I didn't even have to look at my Dad to know what was running through his mind. So I avoided making eye contact with my dear Father.

After the show, The Mechanic helped tear down our equipment and he walked me to my car. Then he asked me for my number, which I happily gave to him. I got a text message later wishing me a good sleep.

Now let's think about how last night would have turned out had Boy not told me about sticking his pee-pee into another va-jay-jay.

(insert time warping, alternate universe music here)

Boy, Housemate, HM's Girl and I would have arrived at the bar early for dinner. We would have shared multiple pitchers of beer. Boy would have definitely been groping me under the table.

I go start the show. Boy, HM & HMG would have gone to play pool. My Dad would have shown up, as would Kelly.

Break between sets. Boy comes up from pool game and I introduce him (begrudgingly) to my Dad. Boy would be charming (as he is) and made small talk. Boy rejoins HM & HMG.

Second set begins. In walks The Mechanic. I catch his eye and wave. He takes a seat at the table in front of my Dad & Kelly.

Break between sets. Boy comes up from pool game as I am giving The Mechanic a hug. I introduce Boy (begrudgingly) to The Mechanic. Boy would be charming and make small talk. Then Boy would have stuck his tongue down my throat and The Mechanic would have been wondering why he drove all the way down to Grimsby. The Mechanic leaves shortly thereafter.

Show is over. I go home with Boy. We make love. We go for breakfast. We spend the day together. I go home.

Monday arrives. I text Boy asking to hang out. No reply. Tuesday arrives. I text Boy asking what's up. He says let's get together. Boy arrives at apartment after work.

Boy tells me he stuck his pee-pee into another va-jay-jay. I toss his ass out of my apartment and then realize that I have blown any chance with The Mechanic.

I guess this may all have happened for a reason. But I still don't like the part where Boy is a complete assfucker.